little miss clumsy

goes to a wedding.

yesterday i attended mike's high school friend's wedding at a mansion near southern highlands called the virtuvian man-sion. lol. i didn't see the davinci code influnces though. i was really clutzy. almost fell and by the grace of God didn't and i managed to recover after spilling half my drink. it would have been super fucked up if i fell in front of everyone. i still turned bright red though.

it was outdoors and the sweat starting to cover my face. i seldom wear eye makeup and the combo of sweat and makeup was making my eyes tear uncontrolably. it looked like i was crying because of the wedding. they were probably thinking "who brought this weirdo, crying and she doesn't even know us".

turning japanese

in 1996 i could appreciate japan, and i thought it was awesomly overwhelming and tubular. i thought everything there was high tech, beautiful, gracious and graceful. i didn't want to leave. i still don't.

yukio mishima

his works resonate. his life touches mine. an eccentric artist.

kalihi

my grandparents ran a mom and pop in early japanese issei kalihi, where the post office is now. tonight my friends parents were hanging out and i found out they were classmates with my aunties. she knew my family well! amazing. said my grandma was chubby! lol. and she remembered my dad from 50 plus years ago. she remembers a tall big guy, unusual for a japanese guy that generation. her mom still lives in that neighborhood. funny how 3 generations of my family randomly crossed their paths.

inuyasha

first saw this episode around 06ish? the stories of rumiko takahashi (ranma 1/2, lum, maison ikkoku, inuyasha etc) have been entertaining me since 94ish? i was 15 or 14 when i discovered her. she penned lum in 78, the same year i was. all in all, she's the motherfucking shit. she always delivers. i guffaw at least once every so often and i feel like i'm there in the fantasy. she has a zany sense of humor, and a touch of the philosophical.

i want kat von d to tatt ranma on me. probably girl form. i was/am a big comic book geek the majority of my life and that will never change. like with jamiroquai. i don't understand it either, but we all need things to cling to in this world/life.

everyone is up here randomly this weekend from hawaii. like a mini reunion. are they really here to ambush me with an intervention?

i can't imagine life without japanamation/anime/manga. in a sense, it's as essential to my life as air. like shoes and other fetishes/obsessions/addictions.

anemia

my whole life i've bruised easily like an overripe peach. it's not uncommon for me to sport massive bruises on my ghastly pale skin and not know how i've gotten them. it doesn't look like abuse because of the peculiar patterns and places. i was trying on shoes and the bruises we're hella distracting from the task at hand. my coworker looked all spooked and said it's from a ghost. when ghosts touch you, they don't even have to press hard, they leave a bruise. greeeeaaaaaattttt.

on my right leg it looks like fingertips in the shape of an s. she asked me if anyone significant to me died with the letter s in their name. there's my grandma, sophie, and my ex, who's still alive but dead to me. one day we might make peace, actually, it's just me that needs to make peace, he's all about it. but i don't think in this lifetime we can coexist. sad to say, i'd like to think of myself as a somewhat mature and compassionate human. and i'm not in love with him anymore. but the thought of him just nauseates me!!!

i've had these bruises my whole life. is it the same ghost following me my whole life? or a different one? or just an iron deficiency?

melting moments

there are times when i'm on the poker table virtual or real where a random 1 outer or something lame like that comes letting the other person suck out and they stack me etc. hits me like a sledgehammer to my skull, cracking my cranium, mushy brains seep out. when it happens at that instant i hate life and want to die. it's the only thought in my head. sheerly suicidal. then a lapse into a brief depression and finally a reevaluation of life. a trilogy. it's only temporary of course, i'm not going to kill myself. but it's a glimpse of the pain and horror that drives people to do it. and damn it's real.

then there's moments where i love life and want to live. it's easier to blog about the bad stuff for some reason.

i ordered this shirt from urban outfitters of a cartoony picture of tupac's all eyes on me album cover. and my camo dodger, i was super westside yesterday. it's a hard look to pull off, and at times i felt sheepish, but i pushed through it and thought wwtd and tried to channel his spirit. everyone in the poker room called me tupac. which felt natural to respond to and oddly made me feel giddy. and to the people i didn't know on the table, i was from l.a. being from hawaii, a fun game i like to play is i'm repping this team today. i have yankees to giants and everyone in between. still have yet to get the oriole though, that's my blood.

it might be because i had to wear uniforms in elementary, but my daily clothes are becoming more and more like borderline costumes. maybe it's also due to living in vegas, it's a masquerade ball here.

have to go to a wedding and i want to wear crossdressing gangster chic. suspenders and slacks instead of buttons and bows. one thing i'm not is a girly girl.

hip hop honors

"The cable channel will count down its list in series of shows starting Monday. At No. 2 is the Sugar Hill Gang's groundbreaking song, "Rapper's Delight," followed by Dr. Dre's "Nuthin but a 'G' Thang" at No. 3. Run-D.M.C.'s "Walk This Way" with Aerosmith and Grandmaster Flash & the Furious Five's "The Message" round out the top five.
Salt 'N Pepa was the only female act in the top 10, with their early hit "Push It." Two of rap's biggest names — Jay-Z and Eminem — didn't make the top 10, though they are in the top 20.
Other acts on the list include the Notorious B.I.G., Tupac, Snoop Dogg, Biz Markie, Black Sheep and J.J. Fad." - vh1 or something.


rapper's delight?

this day in history widget

Vasco Núñez de Balboa Reaches Pacific Ocean (1513)

i remember doing a diaorama on this cat from portugual out of fimo and a shoe box. it was to my reebok or l.a. gear sneakers. it was fourth or fifth grade. 1987 ish?

in 10th grade i wrote a 10 page paper on tecumseh for american history with mr. schaeb.

11th grade a report on hunan, yunan etc for asian studies?

georgia in 7th grade geography with the legendary father halter.

do we ever get to apply such academia in our real lives?

yoga

been twice since the breakdown in oksana's class and it's been okay. i was pleased i could last and didn't lose face again.

oval, since these shoes are back in my life i haven't really worn anything else. thee best shoes in the entire world to ever be created. i can't return them, what was i thinking?!

japan...

...ese porn!

there's a big bag o' porn on the table in the living room. like everyone else, i'll peruse free porn. watching the japanese porn there's a special element of hentai or tsukebe american porn just can't replicate. thank goodness.

gonna try and get motivated to get back on the bucking horse that is bikram yoga. bucked me off and i get the reins and jump up and start horse whispering. neigh whinny.

why was i so fatigued? if i can't make it i'm going to lose face and commit harakiri.

i've been scattered brained and more space cadety than usual.

why did i eat all that popcorn?

not a fan of looking at people in the face while having a conversation.

knocked the eff out

yoga kick my ass today for the first time! i've always been stoked that i picked up bikram relatively easily. able to withstand 90 minutes of hell to get to heaven. i have no idea what happened. 10 minutes into it, i was the wuss that had to sit after the first water break. i felt so pathetic and dizzy. couldn't breathe or stand straight. the perephial was darkening.

what does that mean? can i complete a class again? i felt so embarassed. chagrin. my friend dubbed me the dj name dj cringer.

my lil bro needs a job, but the hair test will be a doozy. he keeps a bong in his car. in a twisted way, i admire and relate to that kind of stuff. hardcore! who feels it knows it. he's funny. brosephs are hard to find. i think he should be a contributer to high times.

i put on

it feels like mad max beyond thunderdome here. i've never actually seen the movie, but kinda get the gist from the buzz when it first came out in the 80s. it's become what people in the 80s thought was futuristic. same as it ever was. where's my flying car?

we're trapped in a wasteland. harsh elements. manmade skylines and artificial beauty. surrounded by stark bleakness. there's beauty in the nature of the place still. opposite of my lush, bountiful hawaii. yesterday the sunset made me pause. gasp from the beauty of the colors in the sky. muted, unreplicable. fleeting and gold. pale. hawaii's sky is vivid and vibrant. the blue almost crushes and overpowers you. i want to eat it.

my whole life i have to live near popular tourist meccas. my humdrum is their vacation.

napoleon dynamite

no movie takes me back to 2004 more. i'm blasted back to 4 years ago. a pivotal year.

oval saga

spoke too soon about those shoes. ripping after the 1st wear. was going to return them, but when it came down to it, i couldn't let them go. lol. a sweeping epic love story. a girl and her shoes.

i'm feeling so anti, the opposite of lonely. not in the company opposite way, but the feeling bad about being alone way. running towards solitude. fortifying the shell. i should be out and about, it's saturday night in sin city baby! but all i feel is regret i didn't go to yoga. where is my going out and socializing motivation???

so i stay home like a dork. this can't be normal.

reunited

and it feels so good. i thought they were gone forever. they're baaa-aack! guess who's back, back again, oval's back, tell a friend. my loves. i never thought i could bond with shoes so much. but these make me smile. i've got sunshine on a cloudy day. we got a limited run of these bad boys, and i picked up mine today.

wastedspace

since i've started coming here i've finally stopped chasing the dragon for good! i have finally fallen out of love with myspace! now i only browse briefly to stalk a little and keep up with the joneses. my time there was primarily blog driven, a public soapbox. but i'm not as attention whorey as i originally thought. i'm becoming more private vastly this year. good to have some mystery. or no mystery at all. i fluctuate from thinking people are great kumbaya i'd like to buy the world a coke, to jean paul sartre's no exit hell is other people don't enter my bubble. then i mull and blog.

craigslist

Wry Journalist Needed for New Magazine (Vegas Area)
9-12-08
Please submit writing samples. Looking for examples of cynicism and humor in the spirit of Hunter S. Thompson. Resume not important. The magazine will be available in bars around town and their patrons will be our primary readers. Selected writer will be given assignments as they come.
Location: Vegas Area
Compensation: $10 per hour and publication
This is a part-time job.
This is an internship job
Principals only. Recruiters, please don't contact this job poster.
Please, no phone calls about this job!
Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests.


dare i? should i even dream? postings like this that makes me want to puke. i feel so out of sorts and panicky. i'm not going to answer. keep to myself. what else is there to do? nothing and nothingness.

é

i've finished my resumeeé, or resume as i think of it. resuming to the drawing board. i'm at the starting gates, and starting to feel like i'm going to be stuck there the whole race...losing hope...drowing...sucumbing...

faith and hope are strange things. not to mention kick ass names. i'm partial to virtue names. but having them (the feelings not the names) can really mess with you. it's anticipatory in nature, and it's the waiting that can kill you. do things happen because or despite of? does it punish or reward?

it plummets me in a familiar, temporary depression. what legacy will i leave? why am i here?

annual september topics

12 years, tupac gone, absence felt.

um football. mannn, losing to nd?!
osu football. yay they got smashed by usc!
uh football. ...
redskins football. whoa i wrote them off in the 3rd. good comeback!

happy bday both pair of ants (parents)!

wtf

world taekwondo federation

as i was driving to get some jack in the crack a car whizzed by about 5 seconds in front of me in the cross street when they were supposed to break to the stop sign. i felt nausated and bad thoughts went through my head. i'm glad i paused for 5 seconds as i was leaving the house.

gold

i was talking to my coworker's 9 year old the other day about the upcoming jessie mccarthy or what ever that young whippersnapper's name is concert this saturday. we also talked about her littlest pet shop and going to kaybee toy store and it finally hit me that i wasn't a kid anymore. an epiphany of sorts if you will. she was so cute, young and innocent. i remember what those days were like and they were the most carefree, fun and light. i miss it but you can never go back.

innocent ones and the most beautiful people in the world. with the loss of innocence, there's the gain of wisdom. it's like being let into a party finally. finally getting a lewd joke and getting a good laugh off of it. becoming an expert and resource. the wisdom comes from experiencing bad and evil and becoming acquainted with them. children are hopefully shielded from the cruelness of the adult world by their guardians and gatekeepers. as you gain independence, you come in contact with stark realities in a competitive state of nature. it can embitter. but with the bitterness comes experiencing and exploring feelings and thoughts not previously known and available. wisdom and the tools to avoid the bad in the world.

next month

i'm going going back back to honshu honshu. i'm so excited to taste foreign soil for the first time in 12 years.

i really hope barack obama wins. if he doesn't i might have to move to australia or something. oh i don't know, but i have that feeling of dread when bush was elected twice. it's been a dark 8 years.

i love the u.s. though, like i said we're the best in the world because we are the whole world. it's a multicultural society where other countries are more monocultural. the diversity is the biggest strength. by the 3rd gen we are super american and patriotic. or totally apathetic. or somewhere in between. or d: all of the above simultanously.

2008 vmas

lil wayne and tpain just put it down for the south. the south has risen again! ny, la, and now the dirty. t.i. too. britney, jeezy, dream, chris breezy etc this is the year of the southern sound.

woah did you see the pussycat dolls acceptance speech? am i high or was that wack? am i hating?

3 strikes and you're out lean cuisine lasagne new recipe. hits me wrong. they added caraway and cut back on the ricotta. the sauce is orangy instead of red. like pom and or berry smells. i like pomegranate, but can't stand the limited edition orbit pom gum. i gave away a new pack to the store where it will be picked apart vulture style. lol.

i like how the 50s are coming back with kensley from project runway and katy perry leading the way. i like to think i started the whole thing though halloween 2007 at tao i was a sock hop girl with the oxfords and everything. i have still to download the pics. one day. i fricken love the retro looks now. what i wear to work the most these days are menswear (vests and pants etc) like how michael corleone dressed everyday. i'm a crossdresser and it's kind of funny how women can wear men's clothes, but it's generally frowned upon the reversed in uptight societies.
when we're finally angrodgnyous cyborgs maybe that will change. or maybe we won't need clothes at all.

the choice of venue has been criticized, but i like that they chose the paramout studios. the live video concept is clever and entertaining.

seeing taylor swift and miley cyrus etc refering christing aguilera and britney spears as legends makes me feel super old. madonna and michael are dinosaurs and myth.

glorified streching

i hate crying. it's painful for all senses. traumatic. bikram yoga is like giving your whole body a whole weep. i especially dislike when your fingers get pruney because you're soaked. gross.

i was sleeping and my mom burst in the room saying, "joy, wake up, we're under attack!" and i bolted up, confused. she turned on the t.v. and gave me the rundown. we stared at the news, speechless.

when i arrived on campus, the few that did show up hovered around the big t.v. in the campus center as did i.

it's still too soon, 7 years later and it's hard to find words to describe it. there are no words.

it's hard to watch the footage from this day, but it's our responsibility as a living, compassionate human being to bear witness in tragedies. it's the very least we can do.

c'mon aileen

start the day off with a call from an elderly gentleman from what it sounded like and the content of the call asking if we sold penny loafers. the ones with the slit for the pennies. made me realize i haven't seen any in years and it would be good to vintage it back. we talked about my pair in the 80s, and he went even more old school. started talking about tap dance things that were put on the loafers. why i don't know, but he spoke of it in a fondly nostalgic tone so it must have been cool.

helped 3 sweet ladies from australia. while i was ringing them up, a lady came to the reg with daggers because she was waiting to be helped. she started talking to the aussies. it was strange, she was a kiwi, sounded kind of like they have an east side west side thing going on in the pacific rim.

my brazilian coworker came from the pretzel shop and bought a pretzel dog. what disturbed me was she was dipping it in cream cheese!

had that horrible recurring nightmare to boot. woke up in a panic. same ol song. last semester of class. class i've been neglecting and have no idea what's going on. one i will inevdiably fail. it's too late to withdraw. it hinders me from getting my degree.

i'm sick of seeing these ships sail. once you turn 30 it's like releasing a fleet. i'm a one woman navy.

currently i'm 5th in a $11 tourney. 909 entrants and 182 left. i'm tired.

raisin bran crunch: buy me some, mom! lol

update: 2nd out of 160, help me bambi (our bamboo plant)! oh, number one now, the leader must have lost a pot.

help/hinder

yet some more dualism. or maybe it's just what happens once you turn 30.

it's been real the past month doing yoga at least twice a week. i've lost some weight and i've been fitting in clothes better (knock on wood). hopefully it will help me get in the shape i've always dreamed but could never accomplish.

but ow, my back son! 2 classes ago while doing balancing stick, something tweaked in my back. and i've been walking gingerly ever since. hard to bend over too. shouldn't it strengthen?

looking at the writing job part of craigslist depresses me. i would love to blog for a living, but am not classical, mainstream, palatable, or commerical enough. i get that just from reading the description of what they're looking for. *shrugs*

tv

the bulk of my t.v. viewing is lighthearted, sweet "jon and kate plus 8" and bleak, stark "the first 48". and cringeworthy "intervention". now the o.g. star wars is on spike and it looks great. soothing to the eyes. like an icepack.

enigma

i have no idea why recently mike has turned into a recluse. he hardly goes out in vegas. i go without him and it' s a strange, different dynamic. everyone including me wishes he would make a cameo and are puzzled by the absence.

irking

don't put the same song as his on your page. myspace c.s.i. move on, he has!

virgo

i don't believe in horoscopes or astrology. except what they say about virgos. that's probably the only sign that's true to form. they are the only ones i can spot a mile away and fit their description. the organized, neat, perfectionist thing. traits i lack and admire i pick up on when someone has it. when i see such an indivdual i ask when they're born, and sure enough it's during late august to early september.

my mom is a textbook virgo. so much attention to detail. she would get caught up in stuff i'd never give another thought to, till she brought it up because it was bothering her.

happy birthday you crazy psychos!

(j/k)

save the feet

ladies, i emplore you, buy stuart weitzman shoes (from me). i have field tested them (and work on comission). take last saturday for example. we were getting our party hard on. haha, i typed hard on. after "jersey boys" at the palazzo, settled in for a long night at 50's the bank. set up camp for 3 hours of dancing and promanading. fran and i who were wearing the same 5" platform ankle strap shoes named juty were the last ones standing. i could recognize and empathize the pained expressions on theresa and cathy's faces. as soon as they hit carpet (dirty hotel carpet) the shoes were off. i was on the verge of projectile exorcist barfing, but my feet felt like a dream. i could run a marathon in those.

i'm luke skywalker i'm here to rescue you, buy good shoes! they're worth it, they're your feet, your dogs. unless you're into s&m and like to start off the kinky night by punishing your feet, buy stuart weitzman shoes, they are the shit. they're amazing! the aldo/nine west etc shoes may save you money and look cute, but you have to also take into account the price you pay for pain and suffering.

day 2 was no different. it's so good to be mobile, tall and fashionable at the same time. thank you stu! it's a gift to the world. after the barf sesh and some 2 hours of uneasy sleep, i was jostled awake by my phone, i was supposed to open at work when i thought i was supposed to close. oops, luckily i crashed at mgm and was only like 20 minutes late grabbing a cab as my car was still at palazzo and we had to have an afterschool special about driving drunk in the back of the cab. i, of course, wanted to drive, but it's good that i didn't i guess. had to work hanging, then met up with them at craftsteak back at the mgm for some bomb ass food. i love red meat, thinking about becoming a meatatarian.

two pimp downs after dinner and it was just cathy and me. had that "we'll only go out a short while, just to show face," conversation, and it ended up to be another 6 in the mornin night. moon then scores. hung out with mike's friends sans mike. everyone was in party hard mode, i wanted to be on the same level, but i was still tipsy from last night. i had to decline. plus i was trying to drive home, looked fun though. i love moon at the palms! one of my favs of all time. first club i've been to in vegas, it was spanking new too. feels like home.

it's always a chaotic good time when l.a. comes to l.v. i wish we all lived in the same city. i wouldn't be able to see them as much if i still lived in hawaii though. vegas has summoned us, has pulled us magnetically in it's direction. as it does to a lot of hawaii people. the siren song beckons and calls.