bday txt

so. i had hope until those messages back and forth from him. on my bday no less. all i wanted, my only gift was to see him. spend time with him. he wasn't willing. he rejected me. his answer was no. there's my answer. after 5/6 months of the unknown. suffering. what if. no.

i guess there's my closure. take my pain and try to make something productive of it. because he is done. there's my answer. it's final. i am to forget him. forget the love of my life. forget the happiest time of my life. it's over. it's done. never to enter my life again. he's gone and all i can do is deal. i made him leave. i have to deal with that. i have to cope. i have to live with myself. i love and miss him so much. and have to do so for the rest of my life. alone. no one has or will ever come close. i have doomed myself to a life of pain and solitude. i am over the river in egypt. i have passed denial. stark reality sets in. i am cold and dead inside. i will never live again.

i am dead.