brick wall

it hurts my heart so badly that i get nowhere talking to you. i die with each dry prefunctory interaction. sets me into a deep depression. i don't want to give up on you or us. but this is killing me. i am a walking ghost. helpless. life is in control and has the reigns, not i. ghostride the whip. just along for the rollercoaster right now. swirling and twisting in the nadirs and abysses currently. i will continue to live like this for the rest of my life, or until we are back together. it might be the former, but that's just my tragic lot in life i have to suffer through. how about them apples? rotten. i love you. i hate me. that's why we are in this horrible prediciment. i'm sorry.